Orthodixie

Pastfast, ME – Plans are currently underway for this year’s Lenten Superlative Awards Banquet at St Kismet in Gethsemane Falls. Last year’s gala saw a total of 13 awards being presented to the best and worst participants in the Great Fast.

“I think it’s a wonderful way to show our appreciation to those who have led the way,” said long-time member and infrequent faster, Billy Gullible. “Before coming to St Kismet’s, no one recognized my spiritual feats, perfect service attendance, swift prostrations, and longest prayer rope. Now, thanks to these awards, I have something to strive for!”

Sandy Cornfed was disappointed in last year’s Most Likely to Succeed recognition: “Early on, at the pre-Lenten Cheesefare dinner, I was voted most likely to succeed. Alas, I did horribly. I ate three cheesecakes that night … only to continue eating all through the Fast. I thought by ‘most likely to succeed’ they were speaking of my fasting! I was horrified to learn that many were actually betting on my gluttony. I mean, what kind of success is that?”

Tom Brittle, who looks like he has never eaten more than twice in his life, is currently the Ferocious Faster front runner. “Ain’t nuthin’ to it,” T-Bone says “… it’s all in the wrist.”

The wrist?

“Yup. If you abstain from using your wrist for the entire fast, no doubt about it: You tend to eat less.” (Suffice it to say no one’s seen Tom mowing his yard either.)

Betty Offded went home last year with the Humility Award. One would think that a memorable occasion. But, explains Betty, she was stripped of the award soon after: “All I did was place the award in a prominent place, on a lighted shelf, in my den … and the priest cried foul during my recent house blessing … and I lost the award.”

Ben Thurdonethat was actually arrested soon after his Alms Giving Award. The case is still pending, but sources say that the beggar that Ben kept giving money to was actually working for Mr Thurdonethat; therefore it does not count as alms giving and is actually an illegal form of tax evasion. However, Ben was commended for actually giving his award away.

Deacon Methuselah, last year’s winner of the Most Graceful Prostrating in a Long Black Robe award, has finally reached the age where he is being honoured with the coveted This Side of the Grave (Life Time Achievement) award which entitles the recipient to no longer do anything strenuous other than show up for services. “It’s taken a long, long time for me to attain this state,” said the 104 year old deacon.

Not everyone is up to speed on the competition, however …

Ernie Slack asked: “What’s a ‘prostration’ and can we eat ’em on fasting days?”

To which, Aida Walrus (always a little slow) asked: “What’s this about a fast?”

Stan Merr won last year’s Longest Lenten Confession award, but some cried foul: “Th-th-they thi-thi-thi-think that jj-j-jju-just because I stu stu stud d d d der … I c-can’t mu make a g-gu-ggood confes confes confession.”

The following will also be awarded:

Happiest Looking Faster Award

Tastes Too Good To Be Tofu Award

I Read the Rudder Religiously Award

Not to mention the most coveted —

Zero (Zilch, Nada, None) Peanut Butter Award

This year’s newest category – Favorite Fasting Song – saw some stiff competition between “Just stiffen that back if you’re a male, females get a grip” (from an old Orthodixie Podcast) … and a last minute entry called “If You Knew Sushi, Like I know Sushi”

And yet, in the end, everyone agreed that the show stopper, the top topper, the Celeb de plume! was – is – none other than —

Bwwwp Bwwwwp ! Bwwwp!

Ladies and Gentlemen, hang on a sec … that’s a NoBrainer Alert …

Bwwwp!

Hold on … here it comes …

TA! DA!

(whisper) The God-Man.

That’s right. Though it sounds trite and sacrilegious, it amazingly occurred to everyone, at about the same time that the Fast was not about Food or Feats by Fasters Far and Wide …

Rather, it was all about God and His love and mercy.

Cause, you see, the Light of Christ – the light of the resurrection that shines from the empty tomb – does not just shine forward into the new season of PASCHA …

No.

The light of the Resurrection, this great Feast of Feasts, PASCHA, even shines BACKWARD … redeeming our poor and imperfect efforts during the Great Fast.

God, the Holy Spirit, is willing and able to take even our unworthy efforts – failures, even – and fashion them to His glory …

You can’t tell me things don’t look different on this side of the Feast!

And, no … it’s not the part about eating meat …

Honestly, come on now, though those first few bites of feasting food were heavenly … that sensation soon wanes … (believe me, it won’t be long before you’ll be missing the Fast – really!) but the glory of the Feast is the Light of Christ that shines back into our memories … in through our struggles … and washes away the gunk …

Yes, that is the glory of the Feast … the glory of Christ … the joy of the Season.

PASCHA

Redeemed.

Redeemed by the Light of Christ which shines forth from an empty tomb.

So, there I sat …

I was sitting in a dark room and tied to a chair, when suddenly:

Whoooosh!

Bright lights were shining in my eyes so that I couldn’t see my surroundings.

A strange voice asked: “So, Fr Joseph, what is your opinion on the current state of affairs in Antioch?”

The wha-? I replied.

“Oh, you know exactly what I’m talking about … it’s all over the Internet … it was in your parish bulletin … you’ve heard all the chatter … why have you not commented on the current controversy in the Antiochian church?”

There I sat, being interrogated by this menacing man about my opinion on the current state of affairs, when into the room burst none other than …

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

Happy Pascha from the Huneycutts!

Be on the look out for these two boys. They run under the name Pee Kays.

Oops. Looks like the Pee Kays are an equal opportunity bunch.

Wait. It seems that when the boys are alone they also run with Two Fingers D.

Christ is Risen!

The following notes [an annual “tradition”] come courtesy of Fr Mark Mancuso of St Elizabeth the New-Martyr, Columbia, South Carolina.

Christ is Risen!

A few notes for Bright Week and the Paschal season.

• We greet one another during the entire Paschal season (which lasts 40 days) with the words: “Christ is risen!” and the response to the greeting is: “Indeed, He is risen!”

• During Bright Week, the Holy Doors and the Deacons’ doors of the iconostasis remain open symbolizing the empty tomb of our Master and Savior: Christ is risen!

• During Bright Week, our prayers in church and at home are sung and not read as we sing all week the feast of the risen Christ: Christ is risen!

• During Bright Week, our morning and evening prayers are replaced by the singing of the short service of the Hours of Pascha (see your prayer books or see below): Christ is risen!

• During Bright Week, we do not read from the psalter at home or in church for the prophecies have been fulfilled: Christ is risen!

• During Bright Week, there is no fasting as we are at feast with the Bridegroom who processes forth from the tomb: Christ is risen!

• During the entire Paschal season there is no prostrating or kneeling permitted in church or at home for we stand with the resurrected Christ: Christ is risen!

• During the Paschal season we begin all of our prayers at home and in church by singing the troparion of Pascha: “Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs bestowing life!”

• During the Paschal season and extending to Pentecost, we do not pray “O Heavenly King, the Comforter, the Spirit of Truth…” for the Comforter comes on Pentecost. Christ is risen!

• And most important of all: “A Pascha worthy of all honor has dawned for us. Pascha! Let us embrace each other joyously!…This is the day of resurrection. Let us be illumined by the feast. Let us embrace each other. Let us call ‘Brother’ even those who hate us, and forgive all by the resurrection, and so let us cry: Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs bestowing life!” “And unto us He has given eternal life. Let us
worship His resurrection on the third day!”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

PASCHAL HOURS

PRIEST: Blessed is our God, always, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages

But a layman sayeth: Through the prayers of our holy fathers, O Lord Jesus Christ, our God, have mercy on us.

Amen. Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and on those in the tombs bestowing life. Thrice.

Then we chant:

Having beheld the resurrection of Christ, let us worship the holy Lord Jesus, the only Sinless One. We worship Thy cross, O Christ, and Thy holy Resurrection we hymn and glorify; for Thou art our God, and we know none other beside Thee, and we call upon Thy name. O come, all ye faithful, let us worship Christ’s holy Resurrection, for behold, through the Cross joy hath come to all the world. Ever blessing the Lord, we hymn His Resurrection; for, having endured crucifixion, He hath destroyed death by death. Thrice.

The Hypakoe, eighth tone, once:

Forestalling the dawn, the women came with Mary, and found the stone rolled away from the sepulchre, and heard from the angel: why seek ye among the dead, as though He were a mortal, Him Who liveth in everlasting light? Behold the grave-clothes. Go quickly and proclaim to the world that the Lord is risen and hath slain death. For He is the Son of God Who saveth mankind.

The Kontakion, eighth tone, once:

Though Thou didst descend into the grave, O Immortal One, yet didst Thou destroy the power of hades. And didst arise as victor, O Christ God, calling to the myrrh-bearing women: Rejoice! And giving peace unto Thine apostles: Thou Who dost grant resurrection to the fallen.

And these Troparia, eighth tone, once:

In the grave bodily, but in hades with Thy soul as God: in Paradise with the thief, and on the throne with the Father and the Spirit wast Thou Who fillest all things, O Christ the Inexpressible.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit.

How life-giving, how much more beautiful than Paradise, and truly more resplendent than any royal palace was Thy tomb shown to be, O Christ, the source of our resurrection.

Both now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

O sanctified and divine tabernacle of the Most High, rejoice! For through thee, O Theotokos, joy is given to them that cry: Blessed art thou among women, O all-spotless Lady.

Lord, have mercy. Forty times.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

More honourable than the Cherubim, and beyond compare more glorious than the Seraphim, who without corruption gavest birth to God the Word, the very Theotokos, thee do we magnify.

If a Priest Serve: In the name of the Lord, Father bless.

PRIEST: O Lord Jesus Christ our God, for the sake of the prayers of Thy most pure Mother, of our holy and God-bearing fathers, and of all the saints, have mercy on us.

If a Reader’s service: O Lord bless.

Amen. Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and on those in the tombs bestowing life. (thrice) Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.

If a Priest Serve: Father bless.

PRIEST: May Christ our true God, Who rose from the dead, and trampled down death by death and on those in the tombs bestowed life, through the intercessions of His most Pure Mother, and of all the saints have mercy on us and save us, for He is good and the Lover of mankind.

If a Reader’s service: O Lord bless!

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Indeed, He is Risen!

Image Source

The [kinda] soundtrack.