Orthodixie

St George Antiochian Orthodox Church and Annunciation Greek Orthodox Cathedral team up each year to host Vacation Bible School. This year, we’re at the Cathedral with a Group curriculum: “Paul and the Underground Church”.

Fr John Salem, Fr Nicholas Hadzellis and I are teaching the kids about the ancient Church (through prayer, song, and chat): using water, oil, wine, incense, and bread.

Today, we did water.

Q&A;, especially with the youngest youth, is always unpredictable. Fr Nicholas wound up with some answers to his questions today that were a hoot.

1) When defining “holy”, Fr Nicholas asked if the kids had ever heard about Moses and the Burning Bush. Some of them had, but he reminded them of the story a bit and then asked: “Why did God, speaking through the Burning Bush, ask Moses to take his shoes off?”

One kid said: “Because … he was on fire?”

Ba-dump-bump!

[We priests got a chuckle about that after the group left … From the Burning Bush: “Stop, Drop, and Roll”.]

2) A later group of kids was providing answers as to the various uses of water in the Church when Fr Nicholas asked: “Did you know that the priest pours hot water into the Chalice prior to Communion?” Some did, others did not. He continued, “Do you know what the priest says when he’s doing this?”

A boy said: “No. I don’t know … because I don’t go to your church.”

Heh!

Another said: “Yeah, that’s what we do our my house!”

(As you can see, one can learn a lot at VBS. 🙂

But first, a little back story …

These two young PKs were spotted recently at the Parish Life Conference in Wichita, Kansas. (Though the content is unknown, you can almost hear them singing in this pic.)

They’d obviously been drinking — but I have it on good authority that this pic was taken after their singing and not before.

These guys, the St George, Houston, Bible Bowlers studied very hard and put up a good fight — finishing in fourth place [1) St Elijah, OKC; 2) St George, Wichita; 3) St George, El Paso.] Next year!

When it became obvious to the large Houston cheering section that our team was not going to bring home the gold this year, one of those young ladies said, “Dad, since we’re not holding up the signs and yelling any more … can I go sit with my friend?”

Appreciating her 7 year old plight, without knowing who or where her friend was (but trusting her), I said, “Sure, sweetie.”

Here’s her friend …

Heh! Now, truth be known, her sidekick was to be found on the other knee and, at least according to the following picture, sometimes being a Bishop ain’t all bad:

Glory to God for all things!

Being a kid ain’t all bad either, right?

Right?

This final shot is what happens when the PK gets bored on the 10 hour drive home and uses mom’s camera to take 17 pictures of herself, without her sidekick (or even her brother, who was at Scout Camp, or her sister, who was asleep). Trust me, I have spared you the other sixteen pics — many of which resemble what dentists and doctors have to see daily.

Many thanks to St Mary, Wichita, for hosting such a wonderfully smooth Parish Life Conference, and to His Grace, Bishop BASIL, for being such a loving and approachable … friend.

I don’t follow Country Music (or any popular music) these days, and I was never a Sammy Kershaw fan. But, when I saw this picture of a railroad car converted into an Orthodox Chapel, that song “She’s the Little Queen of My Double Wide Trailer” came to mind.

We once converted a three car garage into a very nice little Orthodox “temple” — complete with blue onion dome — which looked surprisingly similar to the one pictured here.

Our first Divine Liturgy in that space was on Pentecost Sunday, 1996 — before the renovation. In other words, we “did church” in an honest to goodness garage. With no air conditioning (and how many three car garages have windows?), we had to serve the Liturgy with the garage doors rolled up, wide open.

As is always the case, but especially under such circumstances, the celebrant keeps one eye on the Chalice for uninvited communicants. The flies — be the wine consecrated or other — are just plain gluttons. Lacking basic table manners, much less piety, they end up diving in and usually drowning. [Remember, in a previous post, when I said that the Chalice won’t hurt you? This does not pertain to flies.]

On this particular day, obviously due to the joy of the moment (in a new space and all), I failed. That is, just before lifting the Chalice to my lips I peeked in to see … not one … not two … not four … but …

FIVE

… five comatose flies floating on the top of the consecrated wine.

I struggled, I gasped. I was aghast. Priests are taught that whatever is in the consecrated Cup must be consumed. At that particular moment, please forgive me, I quickly came up with Plan B. That is, I took the spoon and fished out the little fellas and laid them on a spare napkin. I thought, in my slight panic, that I would deal with them later, after communing the faithful.

I communed the faithful.

When I returned to the altar, the drunk swimmers were, gasp again, gone.

Now, here’s where an overly scrupulous young priest’s imagination can run wild:

“Okay … I’m supposed to consume those flies … I’m responsible … There’s a fly flying by my head now! Is that one of them? Should I eat him? How do I know he’s one of the five? Good Lord. This is crazy. WWJD? Stop it! Wait. Was there really five of them? Stop it!“

Then, I spotted him …

The Subdeacon.

He was returning to the altar (through the wide open garage door) slapping and rubbing his hands together, big grin on his 80 year old face: “Flies,” he said. “I took care of them.”

:0

There’s no point to this little story … Just a thank you to all who appreciate this site and voted it, once again, Funniest in the annual Eastern Christian New Media Awards contest.

But, I dunno, looking at that picture (above) and thinking it all over, especially with Country Music in mind … Who knows what flies are thinking?

“I hear that Church a-comin’ … It’s comin’ ’round the bend … and I ain’t been to Communion, since, I don’t know when …”

(Thanks to Jimmy Midland, with apologies to Johnny Cash and Sammy Kershaw.)

Pic Source

I‘m off to the Wonderful Land of Oz for our Diocesan Parish Life Conference this week but, before I go, a plug for a previous podcast — with a bit of an update:

I’ve got some CDs to give away from the group The SmallTown Heroes. You’ll hear a bit about them in this week’s episode.

Be sure to (re)listen for new details at podcast’s end on how to receive your FREE copy of their new CD, “Lo, the Hard Times”.

Enjoy!

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

More info.

Purchase & Reviews

The St Tikhon’s Mission Choir, in the presence of the Wonder-working Sitka Icon of the Mother of God, performs at St George Antiochian Orthodox Church, Houston, on June 2, 2009.

Listen H E R E.

View all the Houston podcasts here on the Houston Orthodox Clergy Association web page.