Orthodixie

Hello–how are you
Have you been alright, through all those lonely nights,
Thats what I’d say, I’d tell you everything,
If you’d pick up that telephone.

Can you guess it?

Oh yes I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

Name that tune!

Okay, so I tricked you on that last one. But, you know it’s coming. Soon. To a theatre near you. Jesus as Jessica. (Or something like that.)

But, I digress.

There was funky Billy Chin and little Sammy Chung
He said here comes the big boss, lets get it on
We took a bow and made a stand, started swinging with the hand
The sudden motion made me skip now we’re into a brand knew trip

I can name that tune in three notes!

Can you imagine singing THIS in church?

[HIM:] I got you to hold my hand
[HER:] I got you to understand
[HIM:] I got you to walk with me
[HER:] I got you to talk with me
[HIM:] Igot you to kiss goodnight
[HER:] I got you to hold me tight
[HIM:] I got you, I won’t let go
[HER:] I got you to love me so

Oops! Wrong Bono. Perhaps, “I Got U2 Babe” — ?

Anyway, she started it.

Speaking of chicks. Mollie done got 73 comments, last I checked, on this egg story.

No comment on these Chicks.

Back in August, I posted the sudden passing of Mary Stolzenbach. Last night I was informed that her husband, Conrad, collapsed Monday after listening to a violin concert and, within minutes, was gone. His death followed Mary’s by 80 days. The funeral is today at St. Ignatius Antiochian Orthodox Church, Franklin, Tennessee.

Please pray for their sons, Fritz & John, and all those who mourn.

May his memory be eternal!

The title of this post is explained in the above link.

PS (from a parishioner): Father Stephen was saying … last night that in many ways the past two months have been the strange months, for we never referred to just Mary or just to Conrad, it was always Mary and Conrad or Conrad and Mary and now it is Conrad and Mary again.

Doctor’s check-up, waiting room, time to spare. I found myself — finally — reading last month’s issue of TOUCHSTONE magazine. Lately, my nighttime recreational reading consisted of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I finished it last night; it was a bit troubling. Then, dawn came in the morning!

David Mills, most-times mild-mannered editor of TOUCHSTONE, has a spot-on nutty piece, Puff the Maverick Dragons (about “scholars” falling all over themselves to support the Gospel of Judas), in the September ’06 issue. I just about laughed out loud in the doc’s holding tank. I hope Mr Mills will forgive my posting a few excerpts. (And, just to sweeten the deal, if you’re not already subscribed, you should be. TOUCHSTONE is the meeting place for right believers — Prots, RCs & EOs — winding their way through troubled times toward the Kingdom.)

Now, his words …

“‘Christian mavericks find affirmation in ancient heresies,’ declared the Christian Science Monitor headline … Gosh, what a surprise. The story was, as you might guess, about this year’s major media choice for The New Insight That Knocks Down Christianity Forever, the Gospel of Judas …

For those who don’t know about Christian Science, the ‘Christian’ in the newspaper’s title has nothing to do with Christianity, but is simply half the name of the gnostic religion invented by that crackpot and conwoman Mary Baker Eddy at the end of the nineteenth century. Which may, now that I think of it, partly explain the newspaper’s interest in a story about the Gospel of Judas.

You have to think them Christian or the reporter does not have a story. ‘Marxist denies Incarnation’ is not a story. ‘Buddhist denies Incarnation’ is not a story. ‘Christian affirms Incarnation’ is not a story. ‘Christian denies Incarnation’ is a story.

But the subjects can’t be any old Christian. There’s no drama in picking up some skeptic from off the street. No one cares if Mortimer P. Daffodil, the third person interviewed coming out of the grocery store, calls himself a Christian but says he thinks Jesus was just a really great guy.

To work, the story has to announce that ‘Official Christian denies Incarnation.’ That’s a story.

Whom do they find you may ask?

The main subjects — the story’s good guys — are a Unitarian minister, the dean of the Episcopal cathedral in Boston, the pastor of a homosexual church, and the Episcopal Church’s ‘social justice’ officer (which means, in this case, promoter of great income redistribution, a near-pacifist foreign policy, and legal abortion). These are the daring mavericks who find affirmation in ancient heresies.

A Unitarian likes the Gospel of Judas! Gadzooks! An Episcopal cathedral takes out of the Scripture readings and the liturgy all the un-p.c. bits. Shocking! The pastor of a homosexual church rejects the Atonement! Well, knock me down with a spoon! The Episcopal Church’s social justice officer thinks the idea of one truth oppressive! Oh, will such horrors never cease!”

Anyway … It’s a funny read. Get a copy. Here’s his (shorter) blog entry about it back in April.

But, just for the vast veracity of it, I’ve got to leak one more quote:

“The effect of such writing is to make you think well of the ‘mavericks,’ even if you don’t agree with them, and feel that the conservatives are just cold-hearted jerks with short, easy answers.”

“Jethro! Come on in here, boy. Mr Drysdale’s got a question fer ya.”

Jethro enters with customary high-water pants, too small long-sleeved shirt, and, oddly enough, tin foil wrapped around his head with antennae sticking out.

JETHRO: “Golly, Mr Drysdale! You sure know how to make a mess of things! I was just about to speak in them there tongues that Mr Tent Revival done showed us last week!”

MR DRYSDALE: “Jethro, I’ve been thinking about your recent conversion and …”

“Oh Chief!”

MR DRYSDALE: “Yes, Miss Jane? What is it?!”

Mr Drysdale’s secretary enters.

MISS JANE: “I just got off the phone with Reverend Mattingly and he’s on his way over right now. He wants to pray with you and Mr Clampett.”

JED: “Pray with us you say, Miss Jane? Wheee doggies! Jethro, go get Granny! She won’t want to miss this.”

Jethro runs out one way as Granny enters opposite bearing a shotgun and yammering and yelling …

GRANNY: “If I ever lay eyes on that vermin, I swear I’m gonna fill his pot with musket meat …”

JED: “Now hold on a minute, Granny. Why’s yer dander up?”

GRANNY: “Jed, it’s horrible. That there Tent Revival Man done got Jethro speaking a foreign language. I cain’t understand a word the poor li’l feller’s saying these days.” Granny’s mouth turns downward and her eyes start to tear up. “I remember when he was just a little tyke, climbing up my petticoats and speaking that cute li’l gibberish …”

JED: “Well hold on a minute, Granny. I thought you said it was the gibberish that done boiled your blood –“

GRANNY: “No, Jed, the gibberish I can handle, it’s the …” (noises in the background) “Listen to that!”

From off in the distance you can hear Jethro … “Who stolla ma Honda! I bought a Toyota when I shoulda bought a Honda. Yahoo! Tooty-frooty, Yahoo, Google, google, google!”

MISS JANE: “Why, Granny, that’s not a foreign language. That sounds like glossolalia.”

GRANNY: “Why I never! What did you say?”

MISS JANE: “Glossolalia … it’s a …” (her eyes widen in shock)

GRANNY (jumping in the air and chasing Miss Jane with her musket, yelling): “Bite your tongue li’l miss! I’ll not have such nasty talk in my house young lady! A woman of society and sophistication … why, I oughtta …” (they exit running).

JETHRO (re-enters): “Dag-nabitt, Paw! I can’t find that ol’ lady nowhere. Hey! You and Mr Drysdale wanna hear my private prayer language?”

(Forgive me, but I’ve always thought “glossolalia” sounded like a word that should not be spoken in polite company. Click the above link to see what all the fuss is about.)

Can Anything Good Come Out of Hollywood?

It’s Hollywood not Tradition; and, after all, it’s just a movie. But having had the opportunity to read the script for New Line Cinema’s The Nativity Story, I can honestly say: It’s pretty good. Really! I enjoyed it.

Earlier reports of the movie could lead one to believe that Hollywood was tinkering with the glorious story of the birth of Christ. For example, the Hollywood Reporter stated that The Nativity Story was “to be told with a strong female perspective” (March 17, 2006). One reviewer, who mentions a Catholic upbringing, praises the script as “a reverent recounting of the biblical story that also added an insightful socio-political dimension to the world Mary would have been brought up in.”

Given these reports, I expected something entirely different from the Gospel accounts of the birth of the Saviour. Yet, Christianity Today claimed it was faithful to the Gospels, and then I received the public relations blurb:

The Nativity Story is based on the greatest story ever told. But as familiar as audiences may be with the story, they have never seen it on the big screen. This is the first time in over 50 years that a biblical story has been released by a major motion picture studio. The filmmakers … are Christian and New Line Cinema sincerely wants to make a film that is historically and biblically accurate. To that end, numerous Catholic and Protestant experts and scholars have read the script and are acting as consultants on this film.

Having read the script, I’m apt to say: If you are looking for holiday entertainment that’s family friendly with a virtuous message, you won’t be disappointed. If you are hoping to see unadulterated Eastern Orthodox Tradition on the silver screen, something essentially catechetical, you’ll have to wait a little longer.

Other than a few timeline discrepancies, the main thing that jumps out at an Orthodox Christian is the age of St Joseph the Betrothed. In New Line Cinema’s The Nativity Story, he’s portrayed as a handsome young 20-something. But, think about it: How else would Hollywood portray the intended beaux of the beautiful young maiden from Galilee?

We all know St Joseph was old, right? He was a widower with children, a man of means, by the time he became the guardian of our Lord. This is the tradition of the Church.

Yet, the fact that the movie includes characters portraying the parents of the Theotokos, Joachim and Anna, shows that the writers were not ignorant to Church Tradition. However, look at any icon and you’ll see: Joachim and Anna are old. They are portrayed differently on the big screen; the script lists Joachim as 45, Anna as 34. The Bible doesn’t specify their age, nor name Mary’s parents. So, what’s the big deal?

Well, the same source within Tradition that provides the names of the Virgin Mary’s parents also mentions the advanced age and station of Joseph, the story of Mary’s birth, mention of Joseph being a widower with children, Jesus’ being born in a cave, the entry of Mary into the Temple, the murder of the Righteous Zacharias in the Temple gates — and more. This is all found within the same ancient document that attests to the perpetual virginity of Mary: The Protoevangelium of James.

This is important with regard to this movie because the filmmakers have selected information from this ancient source that was helpful in making a Hollywood film. They have also disregarded that which would betray bias toward any particular “Christmas tradition” — even more so what we Orthodox call Tradition.

Yet, it is obvious by movie’s end that there’s hope that this movie will have mass appeal. Making a movie that only made sense to Orthodox Christians would not serve Hollywood’s purpose nor, most likely, would it get produced.

Again, it’s Hollywood not Tradition; and, after all, it’s just a movie. But, even if in small ways (such as naming the Virgin’s parents) the masses are being introduced to portions of the ancient Church Tradition, that’s a good thing.

What’s good and paramount for Christians, Orthodox or not, at least as far as this movie is concerned, is that Jesus is proclaimed as the Saviour. It’s not every day that the masses hear such good news — especially coming out of Hollywood.

The Nativity Story opens in theatres December 1st.