Orthodixie

Image and link taken from the excellent news and info site: Anglican TK.

Imagine my surprise when, upon the opening of the door, I realized I was at the home of the notorious Simon Cowell. (You know, the brutally-honest-bad-boy of American Idol fame?) Anyway, he said: “Come on in …”

I’m pretty sure it was a dream, but —

… and as soon as I started crossing the threshold, he critiqued the way I walked, the look of my shoes, and even asked if, being from North Carolina, I was inbred.

“No sir,” I replied, “but I am a little flat footed and, thanks to a bit of scoliosis …”

“Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!” he interjected. “You are not auditioning! You’re here, I presume, to bless my abode: Show me what you got.”

“Okay, where should we start?” I asked. “On the kitchen table?”

Simon: “That would be fine.”

Lo and behold, Randy Jackson was in there eating a big ol’ turkey with both hands.

“Goodness, Randy!” Simon said. “Would you like a shovel?”

Randy saw me and said something like: “Wab bub dug?” (Which translates, of course — minus the bird — to “How are YOU doing?”)

I nodded, sat my priest’s “doc kit” down on the table, and began setting things up for the house blessing. Simon, in a fit of rage, with one swift motion of his $480 t-shirt clad arm, swept all the food off the table and sat beside Randy. I couldn’t help but think that all they needed was Paula Abdul and … as all dreams invariably do … there she was! (Oops! I mean, HERE she is.) She was already crying. She said house blessings always got to her. Anyway …

Mr Potato Head George Bush — whoops! (dream, remember?) — George Bush walked in and sat down at the table with them. I surmised he was the guest judge. That’s when it really got weird … I guess I thought of Hillary Clinton when in walked none other than Mr Potato Head Barack Obama …

” … I guarantee … you try my vacuum cleaner for 14 days …”

“Hhaaaaaaaaaaaaa, gha!”

“Scuze me,” said Randy, “had sump’m stuck in my th’oat.”

“What are you going to do for us today?” asked Simon.

“Well,” I said, “the House Blessing begins with the Trisagion, ending with the Our Father.”

“Mister, can you spare a pence?”

Whhaaa?

Simon: “Debtors.”

FrJ: “Oh … well … I was going to use ‘trespasses’ …

Simon: “Very well then: Trespassers!”

(By the way, Charlotte, Kannapolis & surrounding areas in North Carolina … I’ve solved the UFO mystery.)

“Was the Earth really created in only six days?”

Sue-Sue-Sue de ooo! SUE SUE SUE DEE OHH, OHOOOO!

FrJ: “What the …?”

Simon: “Phil Collins …. You know, Genesis.”

Any way, dear and patient reader, we finally got around to blessing the house. It was a pretty big spread and I could have done without Paula’s imitation of Barbara Eden. (Whoops! Here ya go.) Randy had to take a few breaks, stopping at the Starbucks and McDonald’s — which were, bizarre enough, all found in Simon’s bathroom.

Yet, it was during the singing of “God grant you many years” that things got really weird.

Simon interrupted me, saying: “You hit me with water. I think that rather rude and totally uncalled for.”

Paula started crying cuz her make-up was now running …

And Randy (you know how dreams are) had morphed into a familiar version of another Jackson.

Okay, so maybe 5 pieces of cheesecake, 7 cups of coffee, in addition to three full meals and bits of baklava, chocolates, etc, throughout the day plays havoc on the noggin? Maybe it’s just Pop Culture in general — or the fact that I’m reading James Joyce at the moment …

House Blessings. 30 or so down; 50 more to go. Goodnight.

I would choose any monster before man, because even the most terrifying monster is less terrifying than man…Oh, I am speaking the truth, I am speaking from my heart. For man invented and made sin, death, and hell. And this is worse than the worst thing, more monstrous than the most monstrous thing, more terrifying than the most terrifying thing in all my worlds.

— St. Justin Popovich

Stolen from DYNAMIS (A Prayer for Wisdom, January 27).

BTW, I actually have this stuffed monster (pictured here, though he’s much more colourful in person) above a book case in my office.

Recently, a black congressman — a Muslim — was sworn in using Thomas Jefferson’s copy of the Koran (Quran). The following excerpts from an article by Ted Sampley show how ironic that was.

Ellison, who was born in Detroit and converted to Islam while in college, said he chose to use Jefferson’s Quran because it showed that “a visionary like Jefferson” believed that wisdom could be gleaned from many sources.

There is no doubt Ellison was right about Jefferson believing wisdom could be “gleaned” from the Muslim Quran. At the time Jefferson owned the book, he needed to know everything possible about Muslims because he was about to advocate war against the Islamic “Barbary” states of Morocco, Algeria, Tunisia and Tripoli.

Ellison’s use of Jefferson’s Quran as a prop illuminates a subject once well-known in the history of the United States, but, which today, is mostly forgotten – the Muslim pirate slavers who over many centuries enslaved millions of Africans and tens of thousands of Christian Europeans and Americans in the Islamic “Barbary” states.

Read the whole article H E R E.

A couple other excerpts …

Jefferson’s victory over the Muslims lives on today in the Marine Hymn, with the line, “From the halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli, we will fight our country’s battles on the land as on the sea.”

It wasn’t until 1815 that the problem was fully settled by the total defeat of all the Muslim slave trading pirates.

Jefferson had been right. The “medium of war” was the only way to put an end to the Muslim problem. Mr. Ellison was right about Jefferson. He was a “visionary” wise enough to read and learn about the enemy from their own Muslim book of jihad.

The article was sent to me via RC pal, Tim, in NC. In poking around on Google, it seems the article has been passed around mainly among websites that I cannot fully endorse. That said, it is food for thought. Comments on the article, and its merit, welcomed.

Houston … we have a program: Orthodox Radio’s a Comin’.
The deal hasn’t been inked yet; details forthcoming.

Have you heard of the Trojan Horse of Islam?

A Bishop Speaks on Abortion & Amos.

This sounds way cool: Orthodox Writers’ Week.

Mollie writes of an Alanis Morissette-level misappropriation of the word ironic …

Turkey’s Not Done Yet. Thanks God?

Isn’t it ironic (as Alanis Morissette might say) — Lutherans become Orthodox.