Orthodixie

Hooray!

ROME – The Vatican has banned the makers of Angels & Demons, the latest Dan Brown thriller to be filmed, from shooting scenes not only in the Vatican but in any church in Rome on the ground that it is “an offense against God” and “wounds common religious feelings”.

Archbishop Velasio De Paolis, head of the Vatican’s Prefecture for Economic Affairs, said that the author had “turned the Gospels upside down to poison the faith. It would be unacceptable to transform churches into film sets so that his blasphemous novels can be made into mendacious films in the name of business.”

Made. My. Day.

Here.

“Buzz never gives up hope. Even though he has limitations, he never lets that keep him from flying, from serving, from helping … I guess I’m a fan of Buzz Lightyear because of his honesty.”

“Bingo,” he said.

“Bingo?” I replied. “You mean like the dog? B-I-N-G-O …”

“No,” he said, “I mean BINGO as in you’ve hit on the key to being an Ortho-Man.”

I must have looked at him strangely, for he continued:

“Describe your vision of Ortho-Man for me.”

Well, repeating the words of my friend Elijah:

Ortho-man wears the super-suit mentioned in Ephesians 6:13-17, the armor of God. I am going to explain his armor …

The waist belt of truth: It’s equipment will stop lies about Christians.

The breastplate of righteousness: Ortho-man’s most powerful weapon, used only when the Orthodox world is almost hopeless.

The shoes of peace: a slight kick from the shoes of peace will stop a war faring enemy.

The shield of faith: It’s defense depends on how many believers are around you.

The helmet of salvation: With this on, you can catch yourself from making a life changing sin.

The sword of the spirit: This sword will deliver hard, stunning blows filled with Christ’s power!

“Nice,” he said. “But, essentially, Ortho-Man is clothed with …

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

New York, NY — On Monday June 9th, Archbishop Demetrios of America welcomed His Eminence Metropolitan Hilarion, the newly enthroned First Hierarch of the Russian Orthodox Church Outside Russia (ROCOR) at the Archdiocese Headquarters in New York City. This meeting between the two Primates follows on a new relationship between the Churches occasioned by the reunification of ROCOR with the Moscow Patriarchate in May of 2007. Archbishop Demetrios had already sent a congratulatory letter to Metropolitan Hilarion after his election as First Hierarch (Primate) of ROCOR, which also invited him to the Archdiocese.

Metropolitan Hilarion was accompanied by the Very Rev. Protopriest Alexander Lebedeff, Secretary of Inter-Orthodox Relations. During the 90 minute meeting with the Archbishop, who is also the Chairman of the Standing Conference of the Canonical Orthodox Bishops in the Americas (SCOBA), the discussions focused around the new reality of ROCOR in the Pan-Orthodox environment of America. Also present at the meeting were the Chancellor of the Archdiocese, Bishop Savas of Troas, Father Mark Arey, Director of Inter-Orthodox Relations and Archdeacon Pandeleimon Papadopoulos.

Pic Source (has absolutely nothing to do with the story)

During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the church. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the church office as soon as possible.

1. I would prefer to sit in the… (Check one:)

___ Talking section

___ No talking section

___ Snob section

2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (Indicate order of interest:)

___ General gossip

___ Specific gossip:
_____________________________________

___ The big priest

___ The little priest

___ How wonderful the former priest was

___ The chanter

___ The choir director

___ The Presbytera (Khouria, Matushka)

___ Fashion news

___ What others are wearing

___ What others are not wearing

___ Your neighbors

___ Your relatives

___ Your neighbors’ relatives

___ Other: _______________________________

3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?

___ Doctor

___ Dentist

___ Child psychiatrist

___ Mother in law

___ Podiatrist

___ Chiropractor

___ Stockbroker

___ Accountant

___ Lawyer

___ Real estate agent

___ Architect

___ Plumber

___ Buyer (Specify store: _______________________ )

___ Golf pro

___ Other: ____________________________

4. I want a seat located (Indicate order of priority:)

___ On the aisle

___ Near the exit

___ Near the window

___ Near the bathroom

___ Near my in-laws

___ As far away from my in-laws as possible

___ As far away from my ex-in-laws as possible

___ Near single men

___ Near available women

___ Where I can hear the choir

___ Where I cannot possibly hear the choir

___ Where no one can see/hear me talking during services

___ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services

___ Where no one can see/hear me talking or me sleeping during the sermon
(note: additional charge)

5. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people:
(Limit of six; if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation.)
_________________________ __________________________ ________________________ __________________________ _________________________ __________________________

Your name: _________________________________

Building fund pledge: __________________________

Slightly edited; thanks to FWD from a couple priests who shall remain anonymous. Of course, those of you who worship without pews or chairs can, no doubt, stand each other. 🙂

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