In my daydreaming I saw myself walking down a long white hallway and asking a doctor if he’d be willing to give me a tour of the facility …

“Sure,” he said, “this way.”

Our first stop was at the room of a man who was obviously suffering some sort of mouth wound. The doctor motioned for me to enter and, as I did so, I said: “Hello, I’m Fr Joseph …”

“Kleesed to eat you; ny nay’yin is k-hjon.”

“Hi, John,” I replied, “what happened to ya?”

“Gjaoghoamboenvofnbod. Fnofenvefkojnvdjkoafnvkdfajnvdfk. Jvnvdfjkfnvdfaoknvnknvfdonvdafon …”

I couldn’t understand a word he was saying. In my fantasy, I looked back toward the door and the Doc was gone.

“Keese a kayker, kleese …”

“A piece of paper? Sure – here ya go” I handed him a pencil and a piece of paper and he scribbled:

Pew. Prostration. Pow!

“Yikes!” I said. “So you went to do a prostration during a Lenten service and forgot there was a pew back in front of you?”

He nodded.

In my fantasy, the doctor reappeared and said: “It’s a common injury this time of year, especially following the Sunday of Orthodoxy Vespers where folks visit other parishes that may be appointed differently than their own.”

My host, Nick, returned to the table and …

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

(Don’t forget: Next week, the Orthodixie Podcast is on The Tonight Show!)