St Anthony and the Flying Spaghetti Madness – Aarr!

No matter how crazy we try to be sometimes, it seems the truth, at least things really happening in real time, can often surpass our invented or imagined nuttiness.

You’ve, no doubt, heard it said: A time is coming when people will go mad and when they see someone who is not mad, they will attack him, saying, “You are mad, you are not like us.”

Back when I worked at a substance abuse recovery center, I would work the crossword puzzles from the daily paper each weekday morning. I’d also run off copies from the newspaper for the waking residents. The residents would often kid me when I make a mistake and, when asked, they’d help me with the clues.

One day, just after the 6:30 am wake-up, one of the clients said, “We needed your help last night. We were working one of the crossword puzzles and we needed to know the answer … Who was Jesus’ wife?”

My coworker and I stared at him for a second, looked at each other, back to him, and in tandem, with grimace, said: “Jesus’ wife?”

“Yeah,” he said, “the clue was, ‘Who was Jesus’ wife?’ The answer’s ‘Mary’ right? Is that right? Mary? Jesus’ wife?”

Another mutual glance between Bill & I.

I mean, I was aware of confusion caused by the best-selling book, The DaVinci Code and other Gnostic stuff floating around. But the local mainstream newspaper in Buncombe County, North Carolina? (Uh … more on that later.)

“No … no. Was this in the newspaper?” I asked.

“Yeah! Right, guys?” He got nods of verification from several others.

Back to Bill; then I stared out into space for a second. “You know,” I said (as I let show my total ignorance of Spanish), “I’ll bet they meant ‘Hay-sues’ … you know, Spanish … like ‘Who was Hay-sues’ wife?’ … and the answer was ‘Senorita’ or something.”

“Nope. I think the answer began with an L … only had four letters. But I’m pretty sure it was talking about the Lord.” (Quick glance at Bill. “The Lord?” Back to the clients). “Isn’t that right guys? Wasn’t it talking about the Lord?” he asked.

Yup. They all agreed.


“I dunno,” I said.

We all went about our business for the next 10 minutes or so till my coworker piped up: “Lady!”


“Lady. The Lord’s wife … Lady.”

Ha! It took a little explaining to the clients but, for two guys, it was a hoot.

Thanks to the fantasies of folks like Dan Brown and the modern media’s fascination with all things nutty, Gnostic, and heretical, it’s no wonder otherwise sane folks are often confused about matters of True Faith.

I was reminiscing about this the other day, September 19th to be exact, when it came to my attention that it was International Talk Like a Pirate Day.

You know, the day when instead of “Good morning, how are you?”

You’re supposed to say …

The Orthodixie Podcast on Ancient Faith Radio.

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