Interview With a Junior Demon

Today’s broadcast is coming to you live from the American Southwest where we are … would you say “blessed?”

Jahdaze: Absolutely not.

Okay, fine. We are happy to welcome to our broadcast Jahdaze Modem, a Junior Demon in the service of Satan. Welcome.

Jahdaze: Thank you. Are you always such a happy fellow?

Well, no, now that you mention it. But I play one of the radio.

Jahdaze: …

Ha! I play one of the radio! Get it?

Jahdaze: No.

Sorry. May I say “forgive me?”

Jahdaze: Absolutely not.

Anyway … as you were saying?

Jahdaze: I wasn’t saying anything. I just asked if you were always so darned happy.

Oh, yes. I remember now. The answer is “No.”

Jahdaze: Good.

Hmm. If you don’t mind my asking — why is that “good?”

Jahdaze: Devil. Remember?

Right. So you’re not into the whole “think positive thing” I suppose.

Jahdaze: Please, can we move on? Ask a serious question.

How ’bout … What’s your latest project?

Jahdaze: Country music.

Country Music! What in the world … ?

Jahdaze: Yep. Country music. The boss wanted me to pluck up something good for the C&W; folks. So far I’ve come up with “Don’t Google My Name, O Lord.” You like it?

Like what?

Jahdaze: The song title!

Sure. I guess. I can try Googling your name right now …

Jahdaze: Not my name, fool! It’s a song! For humans! To cause them fear and despair!

And that’s a good thing?

Jahdaze: Look, pal … don’t quit your night job.

How did you know I had a night job?

Jahdaze: Devil. Remember me? Hell – OOO!

Right you are. Okay, how ’bout a few verses of “Don’t Google My Name, O Lord” for our listeners.

Jahdaze: I don’t know, I’m a little rusty. But it goes something like this …

Don’t google my name, O Lord
Pass your mouse over me
Don’t google my name, O Lord
Pass your mouse over me

Click another one
Just like the other one
You’re welcome to click on it
‘Cuz I sure don’t want a hit

[chorus]

Click another one
Just like the other one
Save my name till the bitter end
Come on and be a real friend (O Lord)

That’s amazing. You know it sort of sounds familiar.

Jahdaze: Of course it does. We devils aren’t very original.

No, I mean … it sounds sort of 1960’s or something.

Jahdaze: Look! I know what you mean. It’s always the same thing, is what I’m trying to tell you!

But … I don’t get it.

Jahdaze: Oh, I’m sure you do. Don’t waste time trying to figure it out. Just do it! That’s my motto.

Wait, that’s Nike … uh, do what?

Jahdaze: You remember the 60’s pal? How ’bout the 70’s? Huh? Well back then it was sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll.

Okaaaaay … uh …

Jahdaze: Well those folks are now listening to Country music and surfing the internet. New day, different drug … same results.

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Jahdaze: My point exactly. Listen, how about another little diddy?

Okie doke.

Jahdaze:This one’s yet to be titled … probably aimed at a younger crowd …

Get your modem runnin’
Head on the info-highway
Lookin’ for adventure
And whatever comes our way

[chorus]

Yeah, darlin’ gonna make it happen
Take the world-wide-web in a love embrace
Fire all of the guns at once and
Explode in cyberspace.

That’s awesome. Listen, may I call you Jah?

Jahdaze: You have no idea …

Click!

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Women & Voting … is this [a] right?

By ALICIA COLON

If intellectual acumen were a requirement for suffrage today, we’d still be waiting for our shot at the ballot box. Fortunately, the pioneering suffragettes who fought for the 19th Amendment had their heads screwed on tight – unlike the “Sex and the City” groupies who think …

Read on.

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Who Was Constantine the Great?

Born in Naissus, Serbia, around A.D. 280, his full name was C. Flavius Valerius Constantinus. His mother, Helena, was a remarkable woman of “inferior birth” and his father, Constantius Chlorus, was a Roman officer who was later elevated to “Caesar” and “Augustus”. Chlorus had other children by another wife, but only a son, Constantine, from Helena. Upon his father’s death in 306, Constantine was proclaimed ruler by the troops. He wasn’t the only claimant to the throne and, prior to a major skirmish for control, Constantine had a vision of a cross of light in front of the sun and he heard a voice saying, “In this sign conquer.” Profoundly affected by this revelation, Constantine had a large cross made to be borne into battle. Himself wearing the sign of the Cross, and his charges bearing the emblem on their shields, Constantine defeated one of his rivals, Maxentius, at Milvian Bridge in Rome. To show his gratitude to the God of the Christians, Constantine granted religious liberty, thereby “legalizing” Christian worship, in his famous Edict of Milan of 313. It wasn’t until 325, with the defeat of Licinius, that the Roman Empire was united under a sole ruler, Constantine. Shortly thereafter, he moved the capitol of the empire from Rome to “New Rome,” or Constantinople.

For the remainder of his life, Constantine’s energies were spent uniting, improving, and strengthening his empire. Though his “conversion experience” happened with the vision of the heavenly cross, Constantine was also influenced by his moral conscience, military leaders, and government rulers who had embraced the Faith. This sudden turn of events — religious liberty, the end of the persecutions, and the freeing of Christian prisoners — brought about a joyous time that most Christians had thought impossible. One ancient writer, Tertulian, had previously written: “But the Caesars also would have believed in Christ, if either the Caesars had not been necessary to the world or if Christians too could have been Caesars.” Constantine’s reign proved otherwise.

While it is true that Constantine attempted to hold his empire together, politically, by showing equal favor to Christianity and the practice of Sun worship, to claim that he continued to worship the Sun after his “conversion” is, historically, false. Time would prove that mixing the major religions in a form of syncretism was not the answer. Under his administration, magic and divination were suppressed. As for the age-old practice of emperor worship, though many practices continued, Constantine abolished the practice of sacrifice to the emperor. And, much like the earlier Peace of Rome (Pax Romana) is historically hailed as aiding the spread of the Gospel, Constantine’s allowing bishops to use the Imperial mail service did much to spread Christ’s Church.

Uniting an Empire under the “new” religion of Christianity was no easy task. Now that there was religious freedom, there was also greater concern for orthodoxy (right faith and doctrine). Constantine’s convictions led him to call together church leaders from time to time to deal with disputes of Christian doctrine, particularly in North Africa. Then, in 325, an erroneous teaching, or heresy, threatened to tear apart the empire. There was a priest in Alexandria named Arius who was teaching that there was a time when the Son of God was not. In other words, Arius believed that the Son was not equal with the Father, but a creature. Though Arius maintained that the Son was a superior creature, he believed he was a creature nonetheless. In June of 325, Constantine summoned the bishops of the Church to a council held in Nicea in Bithynia.

No new doctrine was invented by the Council of Nicea or by Constantine himself. Contrary to popular lore [e.g., Dan Brown’s bestseller, “The Da Vinci Code”], the Bible’s contents were not ratified at the Nicean Council, Jesus was not “elected” Son of God, Mary Magdalene was not part of the agenda, and various other gospels were not suppressed. Rather, the bishops upheld what they maintained had always been the understanding of the universal Church of Christ: the Son is co-equal, co-eternal, “one in essence” with the Father. Though Arius was condemned and his teaching deemed heretical, the Arian influence and doctrinal disputes continued for some time with Constantine himself even vacillating.

With the ascension of Constantine to supreme ruler of the Roman empire (A.D. 324), the first period of the Christian era (Apostles, Pentecost, and Persecutions) came to a close. What lay ahead was the creation of the Christian Empire of Byzantium. Where at one time the Roman authorities had tried to snuff out the Christian faith, the tables turned and it was now time for pagans to go underground. In 330, after his inauguration, Constantine proclaimed that pagan services would no longer be performed within Constantinople. He was determined that the New Rome not be tainted by the errors of Old. Under his reign, Constantine showed many favors to the Christian church and the law of the land reflected Christian principles. Along with being a great benefactor of the Church, in 321 he ordered that the day of Christian worship, Sunday, be made a public holiday.

Constantine was not without faults. His sins and shortcomings were many, including the killing of his son, Crispus, and his second wife, Fausta, due to rumors and confusion about an illicit affair between them. Yet, there is no denying his historical importance and pivotal role in the flourishing of the Christian church. He had hoped to be baptized in the Jordan, but ill health prevented it. Instead, shortly after Easter in 337, Constantine was baptized in the suburbs of Nicomedia by, ironically, the Arian bishop Eusibeus. (It should be noted that postponing baptism until late life, near death, was a common practice in the fourth century.) He died, not long after, on the Feast of Pentecost, 22 May. His body was interred in Constantinople, in the Church of the Twelve Apostles. Constantine is honored, along with his mother, Helena, as a saint in the Orthodox Church whose feast day is 21 May.

This article was originally published on the website The Da Vinci Dialogue. Such historical information is pertinent to Christians as the movie, “The Da Vinci Code,” is set for release — just in time for Saint Constantine’s Day — on May 19th.

Other Orthodox authors on The Da Vinci Dialogue …

Terry Mattingly

Frederica Mathewes-Green

Fr Patrick Henry Reardon

For a complete list of essays on The Da Vinci Dialogue … go H E R E.

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DVC & the Priory of Sighin’

What has attracted readers to “The Da Vinci Code” is its central theme, which Dan Brown claims is not fiction but fact – that a mysterious European society, known as the Priory of Sion, has for centuries guarded a momentous secret. That secret, which is the theory at the heart of the novel, is that Jesus Christ married Mary Magdalene and today their descendants are living in France. It’s not surprising that this has incurred the wrath of many Christians, including the Vatican, while others have wondered if there might not be some truth to all of this.

Well, wonder no more. Correspondent Ed Bradley reports on the real secret of
the Priory of Sion.

Also …

Are you ready for the DVC wave?

Other than that which is already in the sidebar, I’m thinking of making this blog a DVC-Free Zone.

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MARTYRS: Myrrhbearers & Martians

Years ago, when I was younger and foolisher, I sat across from my pastor and said, “I believe in God. I consider myself a very faithful person. I pray. I go to church. I read the Bible. I believe Jesus is Lord. I just don’t believe He’s God.”

I expected that honest confession to bring about a terrific struggle with the priest. The gauntlet was thrown. Touché! Now, talk me into it!

He didn’t. He shrugged his shoulders and said, “It’s a giant leap of faith. It makes all the difference.”

Now that bothered me. It wasn’t at all what I expected and for weeks, at least until our next meeting, I struggled with his words and my unbelief. I really wanted to believe. I was scared of what he called the “giant leap of faith.”

In today’s Gospel lesson [Mark 15:43 – 16:8] we read about the women who went to the Tomb early in the morning to anoint the body of our Lord. Remember, Jesus had been hastily buried in a tomb owned by Joseph of Arimathea with the help of the other secret disciple, Nicodemus. These two men, Joseph of Arimathea and Nicodemus, are included in the full list of Myrrhbearers, but generally this day is understood as the Sunday of the Myrrh Bearing Women.

Other than those two men, here are the names of the Myrrhbearers that we know:

The Virgin Mary, who is called “the mother of James and Joses” (sons of Joseph by a previous marriage; she was therefore their step-mother);

Mary Magdalene;

Mary, the wife of Clopas;

Joanna, wife of Chouza, a steward of Herod Antipas;

Salome, the mother of the sons of Zebedee;

Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus; and Susanna.

As for the names of the rest of them, the evangelists have kept silence (Matthew 27:55-56; 28:1-10. Mark 15:40-41).

Who were these women disciples? They were women who had received of our Lord’s beneficence — and left their own homeland and from then on followed after Him. They ministered unto Him out of their own possessions, even until His crucifixion and entombment; and afterwards, neither losing faith in Him after His death, nor fearing the wrath of the Jewish rulers, they came to His sepulcher, bearing the myrrh-oils they had prepared to anoint His body. It is because of the myrrh-oils that these God-loving women brought to the tomb of Jesus that they are called Myrrh-bearers. [Source].

Of our Lord’s remaining 11 disciples (remember, Judas is now out of the picture) … of the remaining 11 disciples — all MEN — not one of them is listed as a Myrrhbearer. The men who had followed him when he’d said, “Come follow me;” the men who appear throughout the Gospel narratives … had abandoned him at the Crucifixion.

Now here we see a band of women disciples making their way toward the Tomb with only God knew what awaiting them.

This is important because, and the more astute among you are already aware of this: There is a big difference between Men and Women.

Now, at first, such an admission – there’s a big difference between men and women – may sound elementary and flippant. But, believe me, we live in crazy time where the world attempts to shake us from our understanding of reality.

Take, for instance, men. Men are all about doing.

Do this, did this, accomplished that … what next?

Women (you all know this) are about relationships.

This person, that child, my sister, mother-in-law, friend, etc.

etc.

etc.

Any priest could admit it’s true: Women and men even confess differently.

A man comes to Confession: “Did this, failed at this, accomplished this, working on this … oh, and uh, did that.”

The woman comes and, through a circular dialogue, intimates her shortcomings and struggles within the web of relationships in her life.

About 15 years ago, Dr John Gray published his best-selling book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Many of you, no doubt, are familiar with his writings regarding the differences in men and women in relationship. For instance …

[Remember: Men = Mars / Women = Venus.]

“When a Martian gets upset he never talks about what is bothering him. He would never burden another Martian with his problem unless his friend’s assistance was necessary to solve the problem. Instead he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problem, mulling it over to find a solution. When he has found a solution, he feels much better and comes out of his cave.

If he can’t find a solution then he does something to forget his problems, like reading the news or playing a game. By disengaging his mind from the problems of his day, gradually he can relax. If his stress is really great it takes getting involved with something even more challenging, like racing his car, competing in a contest, or climbing a mountain.” (p.30)

Or going fishing …

“When a Venusian becomes upset or is stressed … to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day. When Venusians share feelings of being overwhelmed, they suddenly feel better. This is the Venusian way.

On Venus sharing your problems with another actually is considered a sign of love and trust and not a burden. Venusians are not ashamed of having problems. Their egos are dependent not on looking ‘competent’ but rather on being in loving relationships. They openly share feelings of being overwhelmed, confused, hopeless, and exhausted. (p.31)

When a woman is stressed she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and all the possible problems that are associated with her feelings. (p.36)

To feel better, women talk about past problems, future problems, potential problems, even problems that have no solutions.

[This leads to lots of frustration, on both sides, in marital relations. The man keeps listening for the part he’s supposed to fix. “What am I supposed to do?” The woman just wants him to listen. He may soon figure he’s not needed (to do anything) and lose interest, tune out — even walk away!]

The more talk and exploration, the better they [women] feel. This is the way women operate. To expect otherwise is to deny a woman her sense of self.” (p.36)

We see this represented in today’s Gospel. The women are on their way to the Tomb and talking. “And they were saying to one another, “Who will roll away the stone for us from the door of the tomb?”

Men are different …

“A man under stress tends to focus on one problem and forget others …” (p.36)

A Venusian feels good about herself when she has loving friends with whom to share her feelings and problems. A Martian feels good when he can solve his problems on his own in his cave.” (p.31)

“Martians [on the other hand] talk about problems for only two reasons: they are blaming someone or they are seeking advice.” (p.37)

Compare today’s beautiful story of the women at the Tomb to that of Peter and John approaching the Tomb. They raced each other! They were men. It is not recorded that John and Peter, true to their nature, discussed anything on the way … they just tried to get there first!

(But, you see, they’d already heard the Tomb was empty.)

All this is to say, brothers and sisters, that the Lord knew what He was doing.

What we see here, even in our contemporary studies of human nature, is Eve being Eve and Adam being Adam … outside Paradise.

But in choosing to announce the Resurrection through the daughters of Eve, the Holy Myrrhbearers, we see the Annunciation in another light. Whereas earlier, a young Maiden had heard the words of the Archangel Gabriel in private; here, an Angel announces to the Mother of God and the faithful women disciples the Resurrection. The way to Paradise has been re-opened, for our Lord has destroyed death by Death. Go! Announce to the sons of Adam the New Day, the Resurrection.

And, they did …

*** A few weeks later, I met again with the priest. I didn’t bring up my struggle with unbelief, but he did, saying: “You know, something happened to those men. They were scared and hiding. And the next thing you know they are preaching the Gospel and risking — most of them losing — their lives proclaiming the Risen Lord. They were changed. God did that at the Empty Tomb.”

For the women who had sorrowfully gone to anoint the dead were transformed by a great joy and appointed to proclaim Life!

The men who had been hiding in their caves or secluded in their boats at sea were transformed into mighty preachers and martyrs of the Word!

As our first parents, through disobedience, found mortality to be their end …

Today the New Eve hears that her son, the New Adam, has conquered death and, by His glorious Resurrection, He has paved the way for the sons and daughters of the Church — you, me, yours and mine — to Paradise!

And that, my friends has made all the difference. Reborn from the Light of the Empty Tomb, men and women are changed.

That same courage; that same conviction and joy; that same Paradise is available to us all … if we but believe.

Christ is Risen!

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