Orthodixie

By now, most of you are aware of the passing of Church historian, and Orthodox Convert, Jaroslav Pelikan. A parishioner had forwarded me his obit; I did not post it at the time as I’d already read about Dr Pelikan’s passing here, there, and yon. That said, THIS is a worthy read.

The Rev. John H. Erickson, dean of St. Vladimir’s Orthodox Theological Seminary, in Westchester County, said … that Dr. Pelikan had “likened his path to Orthodoxy to that of a pilot who kept circling the airport, looking for a way to land.”

May his memory be eternal!

A little humour for a Saturday. Just the messenger here; this comes from a FWD from a parishioner. It appears to be an expanded version of one I’ve seen. I have taken some editorial liberties. Warning: No toes are safe with these cows! Enjoy!

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALISM

You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISM

You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk
the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you
think is the best-looking cow.

The best response to The Da Vinci Code — besides derisive laughter — is a boycott. Resist the urge to determine just how bad it is by buying a ticket. You’ll only be rewarding the perpetrators — perhaps encouraging The Da Vinci Code: Part II, wherein Dan Brown reveals that Jesus was really married to Lazarus.

I stole the zinger, but it’s all good.

Thanks to FWD from blog reg, Keith.

As a participant in The Da Vinci Challenge, I was invited to an advanced screening of the much anticipated, much hyped, movie version of Dan Brown’s bonkers-selling book. I don’t usually go to movies. Don’t watch television. Don’t have Cable. Just plain don’t get out much. So when a free offer pops up … hey. Why not? I’d reluctantly read the book. I’d written several review installments. I’d even taught a semester long Adult Ed Class on the fallacies of The Da Vinci Code. “Ya know,” I thought, “I believe I’ll go.”

I began to fantasize about the creative direction of the movie review. Perhaps I could weave some mystery into the review itself. Heck, given the negative press that spewed out of the Cannes Film Festival, I even started feeling sorry for Opie. I mean, Opie! Like Stephen King’s CUJO, a rabid dog who loved his human family — but killed them nonetheless — face it, if you’ve suffered through that book, you know what I mean. You start to feel for the dog! He’s terrorizing folks and committing murder … but, he has feelings, too! Ron Howard and Tom Hanks are good people. So what if they made a bad movie about the Church being a liar and Jesus being a Daddy? All the hype, the expectation, the rumination, the preparation, and then … the press! Bless their hearts!

But when you read Stephen King’s On Writing you discover that ol’ Steve was nightly downing a case of tall-boys back in those days and didn’t even recall writing the bestseller “Cujo”. I can only imagine that about the time the midnight oil was burnt and the cans were squished, that’s when King got morose and put feelings into that rabid dog — and by telepathy planted them in readers’ heads. Bless our hearts! But I digress …

My wife had even agreed to accompany me to the advanced screening of The Da Vinci Code. That was a surprise. She’d never shown the least interest in reading the book.

But, before I get to my movie review, several things happened on the way to the theater.

1) I read many of the negative reviews. They made me happy. Thank God!

2) Having participated, willingly, in The Da Vinci Challenge, I’d often read articles posted by the other “experts” on that site. It was kinda cool. I found common ground with brothers and sisters way outside of my normal circle. Till yesterday. Yesterday, I read this piece by Erwin Raphael McManus. In conclusion, he writes:

“Perhaps what I love most about the controversy created by The Da Vinci Code is that it exposes how the institutional church has corrupted the message and mission of Jesus Christ. It has clouded in secrecy and hypocrisy what should have remained a simple message of acceptance, forgiveness, and freedom.”

Looks to me like he’s taking a swipe at Catholics — including Orthodox. That was a turn-off. I was close to pouting. By golly, I’d been had, Cujo! (Bless my heart.)

3) I had lunch with an Orthodox catechumen (someone on the journey toward entry into the Church) and mentioned that I was planning to attend the advance showing. I felt wrong saying it. I felt even wronger watching his face hearing me say it.

4) I read Frederica’s review.

That last was the kicker. I like Mama Fred and Mama Fred sees lots of movies.

Frederica’s patron is St Felicity.

St Felicity was arrested for her faith, she was ordered to worship pagan gods; she refused. Her sons were arrested and given the same order; they refused. After a series of appeals, they were ordered executed by emperor Antoninus. Felicity was forced to watch as her children were murdered one by one; after each one she was given the chance to denouce her faith.
Source

Remember the Three Dog Night song … Mama Told Me Not to Come? Well, there you have it.

Truth is, a lot of people in every generation have suffered horrible deaths so that others — me, you, ours — might have this precious Faith.

Why would I want to go see The Da Vinci Code?

I seen so many things
I ain’t never seen before
Don’t know what it is
I don’t wanna see no more

I didn’t go.

I did take my wife out to dinner, though. Unlike the advanced screening for “experts” it wasn’t free. It was, however (you see this coming, no doubt) … priceless.

The kids stayed home and watched, again, the Chronicles of Narnia. The wife and I went to dinner in Sugar Land. And all the people said: Amen.

Look, if I’m happy the movie is a bore and getting bad press …

If I thank God for allowing me to be part of the “institutional church” …

If I couldn’t joyfully explain my interest in seeing the flick to a catechumen …

And, finally, if Mama told me not to come …

She said, that ain’t the way to have fun, son
That ain’t the way to have fun, son

Why on earth would I go?